Bad Movies. Bad!
I was on the couch today trying to recover from Thanksgiving, and flipping through the channels looking for something, anything, to watch. I came across Mona Lisa Smile, which I've seen before and am not embarrassed to admit I love. Julia Stiles is dreadful in it, and Kirsten Dunst's character needs a good smack, but I can't help loving this movie. I don't care how inaccurate or schmaltzy it is. I will watch this movie as many times as I can.
When that was over, I started flipping through the channels again and came across something called "A Carol Christmas". Oh, no. Another bad, updated version of "A Christmas Carol". Starring Tory Spelling! Even better - Shatner! I had to watch it. It was as bad as I expected. But it dawned on me, much to my distress and confusion, that I love these awful "Christmas Carol" updates, especially if they're about rich, beautiful, famous, successful, hateful women. This one could have been called "The Diana Ross Christmas Special". And don't think for a minute I won't watch it when it's one again.
We were at The Scrap Exchange a few weeks ago and I came across a video of The Towering Inferno. We bought it for $2, and last week had a friend over to watch it. He's going through a disaster movie stage. It has to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen. How did it get an Oscar nomination for best movie? How can a movie starring both Paul Newman and Steve McQueen be so awful? How did Newman keep ending up on different floors in the building when most of it was in flames? And why the hell was Robert Wagner there? We couldn't figure out what he was doing. I know it's bad when the highlight of the movie for me was a girl running around with no pants on. And OJ saves a kitten. Forget the building, the movie deserved to be burned. Which is exactly what we did.
Comments
Anyways, I suppose it's a matter of the era in which it originated. Had to be there.
Kind of like Admiral Helena Cain?
Obviously I love bad movies as much as anyone, but damn. Sometimes a movie is so bad it's not even worth mocking.
"How did it get an Oscar nomination for best movie?" How did Titanic rack them up? I wanted to puke.
"How can a movie starring both Paul Newman and Steve McQueen be so awful?" At least you could drool at their damn sexy manhoodness.
"And why the hell was Robert Wagner there?" He was actually just guess starring as a human, he's been in hell for murdering Natalie for the past 30 years.
Tory Spelling? Gag a maggot. Could she be more ridiculous? Oh, yes, oops, she could be Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. They give blonde a bad name.
You need to rent "The Holiday" (2006) with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz in it. Not only is there schmaltziness, bitchiness, Christmas Carol stuff, but there's Jack Black and the ever increasingly delicious Jude Law. The ending is very cheesy too. You know what, I'm getting you that for Christmas. Sod the shortbread.
That reminds me, I need to learn to make shortbread.
The only thing I know of The Holiday is the poetry Jacob wrote about it. Sheer hilarity so funny it inspired my similar (but far less esteemed) Ode to Miami Vice: For Real edition.
I like corny movies, but there are a few ones that I'll watch and don't care. I can't think of any right now because it's seemingly been years since I've seen a television. Ooh, anything with gay boys I'll watch. Oh and there have been some TERRIBLE gay movies, but dangit if they don't make it fun with a kicky soundtrack.
Being alone with the couch, a good supply of tortilla chips and salsa (and guac if you're really feeling it) and a cheesy lightweight chick flick (or the Closer marathon on TNT) is heaven in my book. Must be done at least once a month.
If you want a cheesy, lightweight chick flick, then you really should see Mona Lisa Smile. I love a chick movie where no one dies. And it has the lovely Ginnifer Goodwin in it.