Occasional Blond

I've been exceptionally lazy of late. I guess that's obvious to the tens of people who read my blogs. It's not that I have nothing to say. If anything, there so much stuff running through my head it's impossible to sort it out and settle on one subject. I'm also going through a phase when I think there's nothing I have to say that's so important it needs to be said in public. Better to just talk to the cats.

JP's been saying for years that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), but I'm skeptical of anything referred to as a disorder, because "disorder" sounds like a minor malady that's been blown out of proportion by spoiled, self-indulgent Americans and the pharmaceutical companies that want to make money off of them. Anyway, I don't think it's SAD as much as it's that I fucking hate winter, even NC winters, because I hate to be cold. This year has felt more like central PA, which is just pissing me off. My energy is low and I don't want to do anything. Even cooking is a chore these days.

Here's what's on my mind, in no particular order of importance, some serious stuff and some not so much:

I'm tired of hearing that Obama's administration is a failure. I'm not happy with everything he's done. I think Bush and Cheney should have been put in handcuffs and hauled away on inauguration day, and Gitmo should be closed immediately. So there is that. But Obama's been in office for...what... six weeks? He can't take on everything at once. Give him time. I still believe in him.

Keeping in mind that it's a reality show, i.e. why do I care?, Hosea didn't deserve to win Top Chef. Also, he's a punk.

Hell's Kitchen is still the best comedy on television.

I've heard that Raleigh wants to ban smoking in its parks. I want to know if there are buildings in these parks so I can go inside to smoke.

I barely drink alcohol anymore. I wouldn't mind that so much if it were because I'm no longer young and my body is telling me to stop it, because that's a self-adjusting thing. I could still drink as much as I'm in the mood for. But I don't drink because of the painkillers I'm on. It's almost impossible for me to have more than one beer without waking up the next day feeling like I've been on a binge. I have no control over my spine. It's only going to get worse. And this awful condition is ruining my life. I'm still in pain, I'm stoned all the time, I can't sleep and I can't even have a frakking beer. And I'm pissed.

I've been living inside my own head for so long I don't know how to get out. I wonder if my life would have been better if I'd never left Harrisburg. There are things that wouldn't be any different. Certainly I'd still be dealing with my stenosis, and you can't beat time, you know. My 53rd birthday is next Friday, and that's something I can't do anything about. But I came down here sure that I could only do better professionally. I had a pretty good resume, and there were tons of jobs here in 2000. Instead it's been what can easily be described as a professional disaster. In the 8 1/2 years I've been here, I've worked a total of 2 1/2 years. I doubt I'll ever have a normal job again, and I readily admit I'm not the kind of person who makes things happen for herself. It's hard for me to cobble together a living by doing a little of this and a little of that. I mean, what the hell would I do? I love to cook, and catering the occasional event is something I can do, but I don't ever want to do it for a living. I've been told I make the best cookies and brownies around, but I'm not aggressive enough to go from one bakery to another, trying to talk them into selling my stuff. I'm afraid of 1) bothering them, and 2) being told I'm not really that good. Like most people, I think I'm a fraud, passing myself off as better than I am.

Many people have said I should be writing. Not just my husband, who, seriously, if he thought I sucked at it, would tell me so and also to stop deluding myself. But, crap, everyone wants to be a writer. Everyone thinks they're good enough, but most of them aren't. And again, I don't have a clue how to start even trying to get paid to write. And maybe I'm not good enough either.

I don't know how I ended up where I am. I don't know who I am. When I left Harrisburg, I was already starting to move away from being the party girl with crazy hair and weird clothes. My friends in Durham barely know that part of me. But what have I become? On a good day, I can bake a pound cake and a loaf of bread, do four load of laundry (that gets hung outside, like in the stone age), and make dinner. On a bad day, I manage to feed the cats and make the coffee. I spend the rest of my time on the couch. Every day, I am housewife and a damned gimp who can't drive anymore and  barely leaves the house. And I have no idea how this happened.

You know what I think about writing something like this? I think I sound like a self-involved whiner who wants everyone to pat me on the head and tell me I'm awesome. And I think that opening this vein is not cathartic. And I feel like baking a poundcake.

I'm like those people who watch shows they hate and then bitch about how much the show sucks. I can't stop reading the NY Times. It is, after all, the self-proclaimed Paper of Record, and sometimes I find an article that actually speaks the truth.

For more years than I can remember, I've been saying that a little dirt never hurt anyone. That's not merely a justification for my crappy housekeeping skills. It's based on fact, i.e., my opinion. Anyway, here's a piece that says eating dirt is good for babies.

From the article:

In studies of what is called the hygiene hypothesis, researchers are concluding that organisms like the millions of bacteria, viruses and especially worms that enter the body along with “dirt” spur the development of a healthy immune system. Several continuing studies suggest that worms may help to redirect an immune system that has gone awry and resulted in autoimmune disorders, allergies and asthma.

These studies, along with epidemiological observations, seem to explain why immune system disorders like multiple sclerosis, Type 1 diabetes, inflammatory bowel disease, asthma and allergies have risen significantly in the United States and other developed countries.

Scientists and other sane people have been claiming for quite a while now that the more we sanitize our houses and ourselves, the sicker we become. Considering that vaccines are made from weak solutions of the very virus, bacteria or flesh-eating disease the vaccine prevents, it makes sense that a little dirt can protect you from something much worse.

Have you seen the commercials for sanitizing products? Panicked mothers wiping and spraying down everything in sight. "Don't forget to spray the kid while you're at it." Corporations that produce these products love to feed on the fears of parents. "Use our product or your kids will die!" We're cleaning our kids to within an inch of their lives, leaving them with no defenses against the world around them. Maybe we should just lock them in a round room with soft walls. Then they'll never get sick or hurt until they leave home, and we'll end up with generations of adults suffering from allergies,  constant, nasty colds and the inability to eat anything more interesting than oatmeal.

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Just for fun, here's the text of one of Julia Sugarbaker's famous Terminator Tirades from Designing Women (and if anyone can find a video of it, please send me the link. I spent an hour looking for it):

Yes, you can give him a message. You do take shorthand, don't you? Good, we take it in the South too. Anyway, just tell him that I have been a Southerner all my life, and I can vouche for the fact the we do eat a lot of things down here........ and we've certainly all had our share of grits and biscuits and gravy, and I myself have probably eaten enough fried chicken to feed a third world country ---- not to mention barbecue, cornbread, watermelon, fried pies, okra, and ...........yes.........if I were being perfectly candid, I would have to admit we have also eaten our share of crow, and for all I know --- during the darkest, leanest years of the Civil War, some of us may have had a Yankee or two for breakfast. But........... speaking for myself and hundreds of thousands of my Southern ancestors who have evolved through many decades of poverty, strife, and turmoil, I would like for Mr. Weaks to know that we have surely eaten many things in the past, and we will surely eat many things in the future, but --- God as my witness - -- we have never, I repeat, NEVER EATEN DIRT!!! -- from the episode Getting Married and Eating Dirt

24 is back on, so yay to that. Last season was completely over the top, but that didn't keep me from bouncing up and down on the couch when it returned. Is there a bigger badass on television than Jack Bauer? I say NO. I mean, he's died for real at least twice, and successfully faked his death once. And he killed his own brother. The man is unstoppable.

Over at What's Alan Watching, there's been quite a fuss over the use of torture on 24. Oh, the hand-wringing. What message does it send? How can we say we're against torture and  still love this show? Just about the only thing I haven't seen is "shouldn't we think of the children?"

I'm as progressive as one can be without being a full-on socialist, and, yes, the torture kind of freaks me out. It's supposed to. But for real, I just don't care. I mean, it's television. Insane, absurd, mock-worthy-but-still-great-at-tension television. Half the fun is figuring out who the mole is, when Jack will end up A Man Alone, how much time it will take for the hard perimeter to be breached, and just what he has in that manbag of his.

A few of us dissented:

Hmmm. although I'm very anti-torture and highly left-wing, 24 has always been one of my favorite shows. Until last season, anyway, when everything just fell apart. I had gone the entire run of the show without ever missing a SINGLE episode when it aired, and halfway through last season I just stopped watching because it was so painful. But, after several previous seasons that I seriously enjoyed, I'm willing to give it another chance this season.

I find a lot of the criticism of the show in general to be unfair (although bash away at last season). I see it as a show about people in high stakes situations seeking resourceful ways to operate in situations where they have very limited options. In order to maintain the suspense, characters have to be placed in danger; since there are a finite number of characters, they're gonna be put through the ringer (wringer?). I don't mind the torture, because its fictional. With fictional heroes, we get to witness their character development, moral code, and sense of honor - therefore, it is easier to trust a fictional character to make decisions (i.e., when torture is appropriate) that I would never consider trusting a real person to make. I trust Jack Bauer to make the right decisions, to protect us, and to find the real bad guys and stick it to them. Like Batman - I would trust Batman with the cell phone sonar technology thing in Dark Knight, but I would never trust a real person to do that. I guess that's how I can justify watching a show that glorifies something I would never condone (like most action movies, spy movies, and military movies that I also find myself able to enjoy).

I said (some repeating of what I've said here):

I'm as bleeding heart as they get, but I'm with Shara on this. It's just outrageous, over the top fiction. The torture freaks me out a little, but I don't think it means anything, except that the showrunners want 24 to be as nuts as possible.

I'll be planted in front of the TV on Sunday, and will no doubt watch the entire season. The only thing that's bugging me is that I already know Tony is alive.

Someone responded:

To Maura and Shara,

24 is indeed fiction but there are cites that people in the Bush CIA and Defense department used 24 as justification for things that were done. As cuture it does have an impact. I remember reading that memos had to be cirulated with regard to the show and I think I even recall reading that the producors specifically filmed something for the government basically saying something like, "We're just TV; Don't do what we do!" I like the show but feel it peaked with season 2 but it isn't accurate to just dimiss its impact.

I said:

Oh yes, I'm aware of that. But those people are crazy, and will find any justification they can for their behavior. I can't put the blame on 24 and more than I would blame Dexter if there were a rise in serial killers only murdering bad people.

As Shara said, viewers will accept behavior from television characters that we would never accept in real life. How else can you explain the popularity of Gregory House, Al Swearingen, Tony Soprano or Don Draper? Even Lorelai Gilmore did things that would make me want to smack a real life friend. I wouldn't want showrunners to make every character palatable and bland because of nutjobs who will misinterpret the behavior of fictional characters as proof that such behavior is acceptable.

I hate the idea that characters should be dumbed down because someone might misinterpret their behavior. Showing bad behavior is not the same as condoning it. Amy Sherman-Palladino was not saying "It's OK to run off and have sex with your high school boyfriend/the father of your child because you just had a fight with your fiance", when Lorelai did just that. She was saying "this is what Lorelai Gilmore would do, because she's impulsive and emotionally immature, and Christopher makes her feel better, even though he kind of sucks sometimes." 24 was not saying "How cool. Jack just tore some guy's throat out with his teeth. Oops, he's dead." There was no message. They just wanted to be as insane as possible.

No normal person thinks torture is a good idea. If someone is so horrified by the torture on 24 to the point where they can't watch it, I sure as hell get that. There are no adjectives strong enough to describe how awful real life torture is, and the previous administration's approval of it turns my stomach. If they had to turn to an outrageous, crazy-ass, no-basis-in-reality fictional show to justify their actions, they don't have a leg to stand on. But I refuse to accept that 24 is in any way responsible for their criminal behavior.

If you don't like 24, don't watch it. You can always tune in to  Two and a Half Men, starring that pillar of the community, Charlie Sheen.

When I started this blog, I was sure I would be posting about cats on a regular basis. Not so, and I don't know why. They're mandatory for all bloggers, aren't they? I think legislation was passed years ago.

This is one of the funniest cat-related things I've ever seen. I started laughing from the first frame, and it just gets better as it goes along. At one point, it looks like the cat in the middle and the dog have become one entity.

Thanks to Sars for this.

As you might have heard, much has been made about Barack Obama's smoking habit. I don't know who decided to make a public fuss about it, but I'll make a wild and completely unfounded accusation that it was a Republican who wanted to cast doubt on his moral character. All Obama needs is a goatee and we'll finally understand just how evil he is.

This popped up in the New York Times today. If ever there was much ado about nothing, Obama's supposed smoking habit is it.

Mr. Obama’s heaviest smoking was seven or eight cigarettes a day, but three was more typical, according to an interview published in the November issue of Men’s Health magazine.

Three cigarettes a day? That barely qualifies as recreational. Has he ever sat in a bar and smoked an entire pack in four hours? Has he ever walked to the corner store in the pouring rain to buy a pack? Is walking to the corner store for a pack of cigarettes in the pouring rain the only exercise he gets?

I can smoke three  cigarettes in the first 45 minutes I'm awake. I've been up for just over three hours, and I'm on my sixth cigarette of the day. I have a smoking habit. Obama's smoking is an occasional stress reliever. I doubt he sits in the family room and smokes while watching a movie with his kids.

Any stress he has experienced before is nothing compared to what he's headed for. Let him have his three smokes a day.

Two things before I get to my point:

1) I don't usually condemn a movie without seeing it first. Like anyone, I have my rules: any movie based on a character from Saturday Night Live is most likely going to suck; ditto any Rob Schneider movies; and I'm going to hate all Tom Cruise movies, even if they don't suck. He ruins good stories in order to feed his enormous ego. (Given the chance to play Jesus, he'd be at The Last Supper by himself. Because he always works alone.) But previews can be misleading. What seems like a silly comedy turns out to be a movie about death, love and family dysfunction, e.g., Little Miss Sunshine; a movie marketed as a chick flick is actually a guy's movie - Beautiful Girls; a movie that should be awesome is really a piece of crap - Wonder Boys.

2) I say seriously and with no shame that I love good chick flicks. What qualifies as good is subjective, certainly. Movies about lost love just kill me. I've cried my eyes out at every viewing of The Way We Were and Splendor in the Grass. Edward Scissorhands upset me so much I don't think I can ever watch it again. But I still loved it. I'm also a sucker for love triumphing over class differences - Dirty Dancing is a favorite. It has everything a girl could want in a movie - Patrick Swayze. Jennifer Grey before the nose job. Creepy frat boy getting his comeuppance. Kelly Bishop. Sex. An illegal abortion. Dancing! And, my God, Jerry Orbach!

There are a ton of sub-genres within "chick flick", and "girls being shitty to each other" is one of them. I know girls can treat each other like crap sometimes. But the very premise of Bride Wars offends me to no end.

I've been seeing previews for the movie lately, and "you have to be kidding me" was my first reaction. But I thought that the girls were strangers fighting over wedding dresses and who gets the best caterer in town. Then I saw this preview, and got the full story. They're lifelong best friends. They're each others maids of honor. Then a mix-up occurs! And hijinks ensue! Kate Hudson tells Anne Hathaway her "wedding can suck it." Anne retaliates by attacking Kate while she's walking down the aisle.

The hilarity must be endless, I'm telling you right now. Look, I've been divided about weddings for a long time. I love them, but they bring out the worst in people. The only brides-to-be who don't want to lock their mothers in a closet are the ones who don't have a mother. I was ready to lock up both my mother and my future mother-in-law, and not let them out until after the wedding. The stress of planning a wedding can make anyone lose perspective.

But there's something that seems so completely distasteful about Bride Wars. It feeds on the idea that women are desperate to get married; that a wedding is the most important day of a woman's life; that all women have been planning their weddings since they were six years old; that women are, at heart, enemies of one another; that the wedding is more important than the marriage - so important, in fact, that no expense is too much. Even the expense of a lifelong friendship.

I know. It's just a movie, and a piece of fluff comedy at that. Comedy, after all, is often about the weaknesses and general dopiness of humans. Beneath all the funny is the truth of how people reconcile their idiocy with their desire to be good and loving to the people who matter to them. It's possible that Bride Wars is actually funny, because anything is possible. But, having seen only the preview, I can't get rid of the bad feeling I have about this movie being made in 2008, more than 40 years after the beginning of the second wave of feminism. I assume that Hudson's and Hathaway's characters are supposed to smart, talented, educated young women, maybe even professionally successful and ambitious. So why are they behaving like jealous, mean spirited harpies?

I have no doubt that Bride Wars will have an absolutely shocking ending, in which Anne and Kate realize the errors of their ways, and tearfully make up, swearing to never let anything come between them again. But you know what? Once you've told your best friend that she has a big ass, you can't ever take that back. I'll never know for sure if Bride Wars is as bad as I think it is, because I won't be spending either the time or the money to see it.

JP and I were trying to remember which county Hanover, PA is in. (It's York County, by the way.) I did some googling (and by some I mean a half hour's worth)  to find a map of PA's counties. I came across this, which gave me a big laugh.

1. There is no North Amberland County in PA. It's Northumberland.

2. Lake Erie is not the only body of water in the Commonwealth. There's that little river called the Susquehanna, which starts in New York State and flows into the Chesapeake Bay. And there's a reason for the name Three Rivers Stadium. It's where the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers come together.

3. Unless there's been a double-secret probation, major geographic shift lately, PA's neighbor (or "neighbour", as they spell it) states are not Washington, Idaho, Nevada and California.

Check out your state map. Post the stupidity here.

I can't say I blame the Iraqi reporter who did this. I guess Bush thought he was on sort of victory tour. Yeah. Not so much.

At least all that working out paid off. He ducks with the best of them.

Joe the Plumber speaks for you. And he'll speak to you for just $19.95.  

I'm so mad right now I could spit. Michael Ruhlman put up this post about a new documentary called Food Fight. He encourages everyone to pay more for their food, which is, of course, a great idea. But, honestly, how in hell can his readers think it's just a matter of changing priorities? A lot of the comments pissed me off, but this is one of the worst:

The "buy staples at the lowest price so we can splurge on the trinkets" is an epidemic of modern society. Over the next year or so we will begin paying the real cost of that folly as federal bailouts start hitting our pocketbooks. It's time for all of us to refocus on what's really important and that's the real quality of our lives.

WTF? Splurging on trinkets? Does he mean stuff like heating bills? Are those trinkets? Going out for a beer is a big deal for us these days.

If I could, I would gladly pay $5/lb for organic chicken at the farmer's market. But I can't. It's all we can do right now to pay our mortgage. Our health insurance premiums are $2500/month, and they're killing us. We have one car and it's 8 years old. Thank God we finally paid it off.

I have a savant-like ability to stretch both our grocery money and the food I buy. I do everything I can to eat healthily and locally (despite my addiction to Oreos and potato chips). We do a good part of our food shopping at a locally owned food store and at the farmer's market. I haven't stepped inside a chain grocery store in months.  Oops. Does Costco count? Yeah, well, if it's a food crime to buy some of my food at Costco, it's a bigger one to shop at Whole Foods and pat your self-important ass on your self-important back about it. Whole Foods is a chain too.

I truly believe that we can only do better by being conscientious about where we buy our food and what its origins are. But too many people in this movement apparently have no idea that there are Americans who are in such dire straits that paying higher prices for everything isn't a possibility. Local farmers deserve every penny they charge at the markets, but I can't afford it. Neither can a lot of other people.

Maybe I have no place in this movement, but if there's no place for me, then it's just a whole bunch of assholes congratulating each other for how enlightened they are. Instead of it being about The People, it becomes a classist movement with no connection to the lives of millions (number pulled out of my ass in order to make a point). This movement should be about doing what you can, not judging those who can't.

(Also posted on my food blog, The Wooden Spoon)